If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
