living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
