just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
