I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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