just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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