I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
