Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Farmville is her only friend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
