I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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