i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
