You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
