Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My ass is underappreciated
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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