i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
