Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
