No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
