I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
