May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thank you for not boning my boss.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
