Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
