It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
