She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
