Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
