you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
