i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
