Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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