i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
