Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
