It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
