respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
