guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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