when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
