Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
