I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
