i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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