That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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