When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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