Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
