My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
