We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
