I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
