I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
