i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
