Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
