she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
