just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
