I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
