Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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