i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
