dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
