Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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