I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
