I wanna passion pit in your ass
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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