Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You made out with two different species that night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
