I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
