Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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