ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
