mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
