Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
